Dear Member of the Dining Public,
I have some shocking news to share with you. The packet condiment industry has been playing us for suckers.
A crack team of investigative journalists assembled at considerable expense1 by this blog has uncovered a shocking practice you'd want to know about before you order your next Chinese take-out. Continue reading to find out what these assholes have been getting away with for years!
An industry insider, who requested anonymity, reveals the dirty little secret, "Soy sauce - what is it really? I mean, who among us has the authority to say what ought to go in soy sauce, and what should be left out? Isn't it just a matter of personal preference? Some food snobs might like their sauce to be made from soy beans. Screw 'em!
"I can think of at least a dozen items in your pantry that aren't really what they appear to be. Take froot loops for example. You don't believe for a second there's any froot in froot loops, do you? Exactly!"
Our lead investigator who went undercover as a Chinese takeout patron was able to obtain a sample packet for this story. Here's a close up of the ingredients list
Okay, what we have here is a soy sauce not made from soy beans, but from basically water, salt and sugar.
Before we jump to judgement, I think it only fair that I do a taste test. Who knows, these guys might be on to something.
What's the verdict? Well, it tastes nothing like soy sauce. No, smartass, that's not the worst thing I can say about it. No one's who's tasted real soy sauce should ever have to settle for this crap. If you actually prefer this forgery to real soy sauce, you're probably a member of Al Qaeda.
Autolyze this, soy sauce counterfeiters! You've been feeding us lies for far too long. You will stop today!
Or... on a day that is mutually convenient. Either way.
Coming up next week - what's fishy about fish sauce? We'll tell you what they don't want you to know!
1$12.78 worth of Chinese takeout.